**Taking a 10 minute TPA 3 break!**
In high school Centennial hosted a competition titled "Music in Motion." It was always a blast but the last few weeks I've been really loving the phrase.
I've been hearing just amazing songs lately that have been speaking to me. What's great about them is that they're songs that scream fabulous messages of living out your life for God. Sometimes it just seems like these songs are being sang just for me... I know that it's God using music to reach my heart.
Despite how exhausting life can be... I am so blessed to be given these opportunities. Yes... I feel like I'm drowning in curriculum and TPAs and assessment projects and mid-terms and LIFE... but really, how AMAZING is it that God has given me the chance to pursue my dream?! That He has shown me in the past 7 months how my life can be used for His glory even in a public school. And before people freak out.. it's not about preaching to my students. It's about living a life that is worth modeling.
Right now I look at the calendar and the clock and I ask myself how on Earth this is all going to get done. But I know that where God guides He also provides (thanks Catherine!) and if I'm being obedient to His will, He will provide a way.
And while I'm rambling... how incredible is it that God gave me a husband who is willing to sacrifice so much for us?! A husband who is willing to spend 8 more months of his life in a war zone... away from his wife and son... so that I can pursue this dream of being an educator. Marriage isn't easy and I'm not saying that ours is perfect... but I do know that I am very blessed to have a husband who is willing to sacrifice so much.
Anyway... back to my topic. Music in motion. I've been hearing songs that I feel really encourage me to put my faith into action. To continue to strive to put my obedience to God first. I'm way behind on my devotions (as in... half of Deuteronomy and Joshua)... but I know that I need to get back to that. When I'm giving God my time, I can see it impact my attitude, my stress level, my relationships... my everything.
I'm having a hard time deciding which songs to list here because so many have been touching me lately... here are a few:
"Praise You in this Storm" Casting Crowns
"This is How We Know" Matt Redman
"What Would Life Be Like" Big Daddy Weave
"Forgiven" Sanctus Real
"Lead Me" Sanctus Real (lyrics on my previous post)
"What Faith Can Do" Kutless
"You" Britt Nicole
That's just a few... but if you're bored... look them up. They're FABULOUS songs!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
My (Insignificant) World View
A while back someone asked me what I meant when I said that Jon was the head of our household. The truth is, I didn't really have a response for them. What DID I mean? I knew what it meant I wanted him to do... but what exactly was I wanting from him? It was hard to define.
Since then my idea of Jon as our leader has become more concrete. We've talked about it a lot and we pray about it daily. But a few days ago I heard a really good song by Sanctus Real called "Lead Me." While it doesn't obviously cover everything, I thought it was a good little description of what I was talking about.
I know that most people either think we're crazy or don't care (hence, my *insignificant* world view)... but I still think it's a wonderful song!
Sanctus Real - “Lead Me”
I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up
I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone.
Since then my idea of Jon as our leader has become more concrete. We've talked about it a lot and we pray about it daily. But a few days ago I heard a really good song by Sanctus Real called "Lead Me." While it doesn't obviously cover everything, I thought it was a good little description of what I was talking about.
I know that most people either think we're crazy or don't care (hence, my *insignificant* world view)... but I still think it's a wonderful song!
Sanctus Real - “Lead Me”
I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up
I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I don't want a crisis counselor...
I should probably be being productive right now. You know... tackling the to-do list that now spans two legal pads and is probably full of overdue items. But I'm not... instead I'm going to share what I thought was pretty darn good tonight.
Pastor Jim at VBF made a good analogy today. Are you letting God be the manager of your life? Is He the boss? Is He calling the shots? Or is God just your crisis counselor? The guy you go to when things get bad so they can tell you how to fix it? A crisis counselor is a great help after the fact... but God helps you stop before it gets to that point.
He talked about a man who is mad at God because his marriage fell apart. But really, why is he mad at GOD? "Well God could have used His divine power to restore my marriage." Yeah... or you could have let God use His divine power in your life from the beginning. God could have helped you fight that temptation, get rid of that resentment, end that addiction. But instead we go to Him AFTER things go wrong and get mad that He doesn't just step in and clean up our mess. But God is our FATHER. Our PARENT. Our AUTHORITY. His job is NOT to come in and clean up our mess (as I frequently tell Nicholas and my students). His job is to guide us. It is up to US to choose whether to accept and follow that guidance. As any parent knows, his job is also to teach us. He teaches us through his Word, through his disciples here on Earth, and *drumroll please* through experience. So you know what... YES, God's divine power can clean up your mess. Or God's divine power can transform your life so that you learn from the mess YOU got YOURSELF into.
He also discussed "lost causes" and I really thought it was wonderful. Absolutely positively amazingly beautiful. The example he gave was Paul in Romans 9-11ish. Who are we to label anyone a lost cause? Who are we to put anyone out of our lives... to write anyone out of the Kingdom? Paul said himself that if HE could be saved, ANYONE could be saved. God didn't write Paul off. Paul was off hating and killing Christians. Can you imagine what the Christians around him thought? I'm sure they prayed he would stop killing... but do you think they honestly thought there was a chance that his heart could change? I'm thinking probably not. But God spoke to Paul (Saul at the time) and changed his heart. This man who was KILLING Christians became one. And not only did he become a follower of Christ... but he became one of the most faithful servants, writing over half of the New Testament (statistic from Pastor Jim). Imagine what if God had written Paul off the way others had. Think of the inspirsing words we read that were only made possible because God has the power. You never know when someone is just one prayer away. It reminds me of why Christians have got to stop being judgemental. Who are WE to judge someone else? Who are WE to say they're too far gone or they aren't doing enough? Isn't that almost insulting to God? To try to step up and take that role?
Along the same lines... we are ALL works in progress. We're all at difference places in that process... but God isn't finished with any of us yet. I'm so thankful for that. I'm so thankful that my flawed and imperfect heart hasn't been written off my God. As long as I let Him, He'll continue to mold and polish me until the day I join Him again. Isn't that amazing?!
Anyway... now I DO need to go work on stuff. :)
Pastor Jim at VBF made a good analogy today. Are you letting God be the manager of your life? Is He the boss? Is He calling the shots? Or is God just your crisis counselor? The guy you go to when things get bad so they can tell you how to fix it? A crisis counselor is a great help after the fact... but God helps you stop before it gets to that point.
He talked about a man who is mad at God because his marriage fell apart. But really, why is he mad at GOD? "Well God could have used His divine power to restore my marriage." Yeah... or you could have let God use His divine power in your life from the beginning. God could have helped you fight that temptation, get rid of that resentment, end that addiction. But instead we go to Him AFTER things go wrong and get mad that He doesn't just step in and clean up our mess. But God is our FATHER. Our PARENT. Our AUTHORITY. His job is NOT to come in and clean up our mess (as I frequently tell Nicholas and my students). His job is to guide us. It is up to US to choose whether to accept and follow that guidance. As any parent knows, his job is also to teach us. He teaches us through his Word, through his disciples here on Earth, and *drumroll please* through experience. So you know what... YES, God's divine power can clean up your mess. Or God's divine power can transform your life so that you learn from the mess YOU got YOURSELF into.
He also discussed "lost causes" and I really thought it was wonderful. Absolutely positively amazingly beautiful. The example he gave was Paul in Romans 9-11ish. Who are we to label anyone a lost cause? Who are we to put anyone out of our lives... to write anyone out of the Kingdom? Paul said himself that if HE could be saved, ANYONE could be saved. God didn't write Paul off. Paul was off hating and killing Christians. Can you imagine what the Christians around him thought? I'm sure they prayed he would stop killing... but do you think they honestly thought there was a chance that his heart could change? I'm thinking probably not. But God spoke to Paul (Saul at the time) and changed his heart. This man who was KILLING Christians became one. And not only did he become a follower of Christ... but he became one of the most faithful servants, writing over half of the New Testament (statistic from Pastor Jim). Imagine what if God had written Paul off the way others had. Think of the inspirsing words we read that were only made possible because God has the power. You never know when someone is just one prayer away. It reminds me of why Christians have got to stop being judgemental. Who are WE to judge someone else? Who are WE to say they're too far gone or they aren't doing enough? Isn't that almost insulting to God? To try to step up and take that role?
Along the same lines... we are ALL works in progress. We're all at difference places in that process... but God isn't finished with any of us yet. I'm so thankful for that. I'm so thankful that my flawed and imperfect heart hasn't been written off my God. As long as I let Him, He'll continue to mold and polish me until the day I join Him again. Isn't that amazing?!
Anyway... now I DO need to go work on stuff. :)
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I haven't blogged in a while..
I probably won't update this very often. I'm lucky when I have time to shower every day. That said, it's Spring Break and I have some extra time so I figure I might as well get some thoughts down.
I can't believe how this deployment has helped me. I can't believe how much it has helped me to come back to God in ways that I didn't know I ever could. A lot of it has been through prayer... and also through devotional books that have made me re-think my devotion to God and through Biblical reading that I'm doing (almost) daily. It's hard though. I hate when people make it sound as if a "good Christian" has no problems. As if life goes smoothly and things are always simple when you're following God. I have always been taught (and believe to be true) that sometimes it's when your walk is strongest that you're challeneged MOST. God has every right to challenege us. To test us. And while we're forgiven when we don't pass, we please Him and become stronger when we do. He doesn't test us because He's mean... He tests us because He knows we have to be challeneged to grow in Him. A faith never tested isn't very strong. It's like anything else in life. If you never use a second language, you loose it. If you stop playing a sport, your skills decline. You don't forget 100%... you can still carry on a basic conversation and shoot a basket... but when you're never tested, you don't improve or keep your strength.
Faith is the same way. If God never tested us, we'd become complacent. Heck, we'd probably become arrogant. Maybe we'd even start to believe that our lives were "better" because we were "better Christians."
I've definitely been tested this deployment. I don't know that I faired so well in the beginning... or the whole time. But I've grown so much closer to God through it all.
Nicholas had surgery again. Nothing major... ear tubes and adenoids. Should have kept me out for 3 days max... until he got chicken pox. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I WANTED him to get the chicken pox. So I can't be upset that he did... but the timing was less than satisfactory in my mind. Until I decided to say "You know what... MY timing is imperfect but HIS is perfect." Then I realized... if Nick had gotten the chicken pox 2 months later when we were off CIGNA, I don't even want to know what all those visits would have cost. It made me so thankful that God stepped into our lives and worked His plan instead of ours. It made me pray even harder for GOD'S will in our lives instead of our own. Did God test me? Yes. But it gave me stronger faith in HIS perfect timing and will.
Then, because of being out of school and quarantined for 2 weeks... he turned into some sort of cute breed of monster. You know... the kind that LOOKS cute until he starts screaming. Talk about a humbling experience. I thought I had been doing a good job with him and when that started I seriously felt like the biggest failure. But again... I asked God to guide me. Give me wisdom. Help me. That doesn't mean He turned me into the perfect parent. It means that He pushed me in the right direction to help Nicholas. While he's definitely still a two year old, we've made amazing progress and I feel like I'm doing a lot better as a mother. Again... did God test me? Yes... but it reminded me that HIS wisdom surpasses mine and HIS will brings peace into my home.
And the current situation. Bed bugs. Should I post a picture of the little bloodsuckers? No... then anyone reading this will run to the bathroom to puke instead of finish reading. Now... when these things came along... life was finally peaceful again. I was getting ready to start full time student teaching and finishing up Winter Quarter. Time to start the quarter where it feels like CSUB puked on the credential program. Oh wait... lets have you do 75% of the program in the last 10 weeks?! Anyway, moving on. Life is at peace and I'm ready to jump headfirst into teaching. Then I see a little brown bug in my bed. Eww! Right? So I assume that with my seeing 170 students a day and Nicholas being in pre-school... I have lice. Yuck, but whatever. Life will continue. Until my wonderful husband doesn't quite see the logic and does some of his own research and realizes that we have not lice, but bed bugs.
These things don't freaking die. Seriously. Cockroaches have nothing on these things.
The first few days I cried a lot. Realizing that cost and intensity required to get rid of these things was overwhelming. At one point I think I even asked "WHY is God doing this to us now? When I'm alone... in classes full time... student teaching full time... just trying to keep my head above water." Then I went to do my devotional reading for the day. I was actually about a week behind so I was still on Exodus and read about how God allowed horrible things to happen to show Egypt His glory. That's when it hit me *again* that HIS will is being done here. That I have no right to be angry. Not only does He have a purpose for this situation... but He has a plan to get me through it if I'll just give it ALL TO HIM. So that's what I strive to do everyday. God's hand is over our home. He is in control and He will make sure that we make it through this stronger in Him.
And you know what? I think He rewards those who give it all to Him. Yes... I no longer own a bed... or headboard... or nightstands... and I will soon not own a couch or recliner. But he guided us to an incredible tax man who got us back more than we were expecting. Now we have the finances needed to replace everything we've had to throw away. Yes... God takes away from us sometimes. But when we have faith in Him and let Him be in control of our lives... He gives back infinitely more than He takes. Did God test me? Yes... but not only did I grow through the test, but he rewarded my family for our submission to Him.
Wow... talk about a novel, huh? Well, it'll probably be months before I blog again, so at least this is long enough to last until then!
I can't believe how this deployment has helped me. I can't believe how much it has helped me to come back to God in ways that I didn't know I ever could. A lot of it has been through prayer... and also through devotional books that have made me re-think my devotion to God and through Biblical reading that I'm doing (almost) daily. It's hard though. I hate when people make it sound as if a "good Christian" has no problems. As if life goes smoothly and things are always simple when you're following God. I have always been taught (and believe to be true) that sometimes it's when your walk is strongest that you're challeneged MOST. God has every right to challenege us. To test us. And while we're forgiven when we don't pass, we please Him and become stronger when we do. He doesn't test us because He's mean... He tests us because He knows we have to be challeneged to grow in Him. A faith never tested isn't very strong. It's like anything else in life. If you never use a second language, you loose it. If you stop playing a sport, your skills decline. You don't forget 100%... you can still carry on a basic conversation and shoot a basket... but when you're never tested, you don't improve or keep your strength.
Faith is the same way. If God never tested us, we'd become complacent. Heck, we'd probably become arrogant. Maybe we'd even start to believe that our lives were "better" because we were "better Christians."
I've definitely been tested this deployment. I don't know that I faired so well in the beginning... or the whole time. But I've grown so much closer to God through it all.
Nicholas had surgery again. Nothing major... ear tubes and adenoids. Should have kept me out for 3 days max... until he got chicken pox. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I WANTED him to get the chicken pox. So I can't be upset that he did... but the timing was less than satisfactory in my mind. Until I decided to say "You know what... MY timing is imperfect but HIS is perfect." Then I realized... if Nick had gotten the chicken pox 2 months later when we were off CIGNA, I don't even want to know what all those visits would have cost. It made me so thankful that God stepped into our lives and worked His plan instead of ours. It made me pray even harder for GOD'S will in our lives instead of our own. Did God test me? Yes. But it gave me stronger faith in HIS perfect timing and will.
Then, because of being out of school and quarantined for 2 weeks... he turned into some sort of cute breed of monster. You know... the kind that LOOKS cute until he starts screaming. Talk about a humbling experience. I thought I had been doing a good job with him and when that started I seriously felt like the biggest failure. But again... I asked God to guide me. Give me wisdom. Help me. That doesn't mean He turned me into the perfect parent. It means that He pushed me in the right direction to help Nicholas. While he's definitely still a two year old, we've made amazing progress and I feel like I'm doing a lot better as a mother. Again... did God test me? Yes... but it reminded me that HIS wisdom surpasses mine and HIS will brings peace into my home.
And the current situation. Bed bugs. Should I post a picture of the little bloodsuckers? No... then anyone reading this will run to the bathroom to puke instead of finish reading. Now... when these things came along... life was finally peaceful again. I was getting ready to start full time student teaching and finishing up Winter Quarter. Time to start the quarter where it feels like CSUB puked on the credential program. Oh wait... lets have you do 75% of the program in the last 10 weeks?! Anyway, moving on. Life is at peace and I'm ready to jump headfirst into teaching. Then I see a little brown bug in my bed. Eww! Right? So I assume that with my seeing 170 students a day and Nicholas being in pre-school... I have lice. Yuck, but whatever. Life will continue. Until my wonderful husband doesn't quite see the logic and does some of his own research and realizes that we have not lice, but bed bugs.
These things don't freaking die. Seriously. Cockroaches have nothing on these things.
The first few days I cried a lot. Realizing that cost and intensity required to get rid of these things was overwhelming. At one point I think I even asked "WHY is God doing this to us now? When I'm alone... in classes full time... student teaching full time... just trying to keep my head above water." Then I went to do my devotional reading for the day. I was actually about a week behind so I was still on Exodus and read about how God allowed horrible things to happen to show Egypt His glory. That's when it hit me *again* that HIS will is being done here. That I have no right to be angry. Not only does He have a purpose for this situation... but He has a plan to get me through it if I'll just give it ALL TO HIM. So that's what I strive to do everyday. God's hand is over our home. He is in control and He will make sure that we make it through this stronger in Him.
And you know what? I think He rewards those who give it all to Him. Yes... I no longer own a bed... or headboard... or nightstands... and I will soon not own a couch or recliner. But he guided us to an incredible tax man who got us back more than we were expecting. Now we have the finances needed to replace everything we've had to throw away. Yes... God takes away from us sometimes. But when we have faith in Him and let Him be in control of our lives... He gives back infinitely more than He takes. Did God test me? Yes... but not only did I grow through the test, but he rewarded my family for our submission to Him.
Wow... talk about a novel, huh? Well, it'll probably be months before I blog again, so at least this is long enough to last until then!
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