I’m also a different mom this time around. I wouldn’t say an opposite, but raising
Nicholas has taught me a LOT. So much
so, in fact, that I feel exponentially guilty because Nicholas had it so much
worse than Ryan has or will. Nicholas
taught me patience… the hard way… Ryan will benefit from me having already had
that lesson. There are a lot of things I
do differently now that I wish I had done with Nick…
1.
Babies
grow up. It’s a fact of life. No matter how much we may want them to stay
teeny-tiny, they don’t. They get longer,
they gain weight… if they’re like my babies, they turn into little mini-me versions
of the Michellin Man. The point? We don’t
need to push it along. With Nicholas
I was involved in some message boards that I thought were helping me. It was a good support system for a military
spouse who had little friends around me, right?
It was great to bounce ideas off other moms and get an idea of where my
child was or should be, right? For ME,
that was wrong. The message boards were
a constant reminder of what other
babies were doing… how other babies
were developing or how other babies
were growing. The problem was that I was
a mom to Nicholas, not to other
babies. I pushed Nicholas to do things
early or “on time” according to experts that I now ignore. I can honestly say he was sitting unassisted
before 5 months. I can also honestly say
that it made absolutely no difference.
With Ryan not only do I not push him to do things, I enjoy and relish
the fact that he’s still so little (figuratively, of course, if you’ve seen my
child you know he’s huge). They won’t go
to kindergarten not sitting up or saying “mama.” They all get there eventually… enjoy it if
yours takes longer J
2.
There is
no “right” way to parent. That’s
another reason I stay away from message boards (aside from BOS which is
completely different :P). I don’t care
what the experts say… whether you steam mass quantities of veggies and make
your own puree, or you pick up Gerber 2-packs at Wal-Mart, your child will be
fine. Whether you breastfeed for 3 years
or formula feed from day 1… your child will be fine. Whether you CIO at 6 months or co-sleep… your
child will be fine. And most
importantly, none of these things make you a superior mother compared to the
woman next door. I don’t say this like
the things we do don’t impact our kids… of course they do. But in the overall scheme of life… there are
much more important things to be worrying about. Are we teaching our children to have
compassion for others? Are we teaching
our children to consider the needs of those around them? Are we teaching our children to forgive and
show mercy? For me, am I teaching my son
to obey God and not give in to the temptations of the world? Because when it comes down to it, no
productive member of society ever looked back and said “I want to give thanks
to my mom, because if she hadn’t pureed my first foods herself, I’d never be
where I am today.” Now, I have a LOT of
friends who do make their own baby food, breastfeed children for 2 years or
more, and co-sleep… please know that I’m in NO way saying these are bad
things. Heck, I breastfeed and co-sleep
AND CIO. I’m saying that we need to
consider our options, do our research if we feel necessary, make our choices,
and then move on without judging those who come to different conclusions. I stressed over every.single.decision I made
for Nicholas and, looking back, I feel like I didn’t get to enjoy his infancy
& toddlerhood as much because of it.
3.
Ignore
the experts. Or at least, remember
that the experts never studied your kids. I’ve been trying to remember all the things “they”
say will forever harm your kids. I
remember that one thing was juice.
Never, and I mean never, give your child juice. Then they will never drink water and will only
drink sugary things that are horrible for their bodies and will make them
fat. Yeah. They forgot to toss in that word, moderation. I remember having someone look at me in
complete shock when I gave my 1-year old a sippy cup of diluted juice. I remember another mom proudly telling me
that her kids had never drank anything in their lives except water and
milk. Congrats. My kid had juice. And today?
He’s a healthy child (of healthy weight) who drinks water about 75% of
the time.
I’m learning daily and we still have bad days. I’ve learned that I babied Nicholas too much
and now I’m paying for it… so is he as we have to teach him to be a little less
sensitive so he isn’t eaten alive by the world.
There are days when, at bedtime, I have to apologize for being cranky
and impatient with Nick. But you know
what? He knows that his mom is real… she’s
human… she works hard every day to take care of him, love him, and teach
him. She tries to be an example of
living for God each day… but she fails… and when she does, she apologizes and
tries harder. I hope and pray
that as he gets older, he learns that life isn’t about being perfect… it’s
about trying your best every single day… being humble enough to admit when you’re
wrong and courageous enough to never, ever give up.
