I'm finding more and more that people enjoy giving advice on things they aren't experts in. I'm finding more and more than I can be one of those people. It's something I'm truly trying to work on in the New Year... call it a resolution or whatever, but I'm trying to mind my own business (with one very clear exception that I won't get into online).
ANYWAY... something that I've noticed lately is how many people who don't have children like the judge those of us who do, and our glorious children. I can't blame these people, as I know I was guilty of that as well. There are certain things you have to experience to understand, and even after experiencing them you never become fully enlightened. That being said... a few things I've always wanted to say to those who see me with my children on our "off" days...
1. Kids cry. The fact that I'm not immediately coddling my child when he cries doesn't mean I'm mean, neglectful, or don't care. It means that I've reached the point in parenting (aka, #2) where I know that coddling a child who is crying because he can't have what he wants doesn't help anyone. I also know my child's cries and know when he's genuinly hurt or needs something, and when he doesn't. I've already reached the point where I've learned that, unfortunately, sometimes there are things that HAVE to be done. It doesn't hurt my child to fuss for a few minutes while I finish putting chicken in the oven and wash my hands... or, frankly, write the last 2 lines of an e-mail before quickly pushing send and getting him. I promise that my child knows how much I love him and also knows that the world doesn't revolve solely around him.
2. You know alllll those things that your child will never do? Guess what? Your child will probably do them at least once. It doesn't mean you're a bad parent, just as it doesn't mean I'm a bad parent. Your child will probably throw a tantrum in a store... once. It won't become a habitual occurance because you'll immediately take care of the situation and teach your child that you won't tolerate that behavior... but it will probably happen. Children are tiny little humans who are still learning the boundaries of appropriate behavior... they often learn these boundaries by testing them. Nicholas tried that... once. It was humiliating for me, but he learned and we both grew.
3. Please don't tell a parent how to discipline their child unless they ask you. This really goes for everyone, but especially those without children yet. Every child is different... even in the same family. Some children respond well to time out, others to mild spanking, others to taking away toys. When you have children, you'll have to learn your child's personality and temperment, then decide on how to best discipline. Take heart that I know my children well. I may not have dealt with that situation the way you think you would have, but when the time comes, you may find that your current "parenting plan" gets tossed in the garbage in favor of what works best for your kid. It's happened to me.
4. Try not to judge that tired mom that spoke to her child too sternly, or gave in on the candy aisle. Try not to look at her in annoyance because "her kid will never learn if she does that" or "she's just a little girl, give her a break." The majority of us moms are doing the best we can and just have bad days... you will have them as well. There will be days when 7 o'clock rolls around and all you can think in your head is "I love my kids but WOO HOO for bedtime!!!" Your patience will run thin... some days it will run out. That's okay.
5. Lastly... parenting is rarely, if ever, what you expect it to be. Your children will be nothing like you and everything like you at the same time. It's both beautiful and maddening... trust me. My oldest was a difficult baby... active toddler... sensitive young child... I'm still trying to figure out how to balance maintaining some sensitivity with making sure he isn't eaten alive by the world. He has my attitude but dislikes most school stuff... love sports but isn't all that into music. I'm still learning daily how to be better mom to him. Just about the time I think I'm getting the hang of the oldest, I have to re-learn everything I thought I knew about motherhood because the baby is NOTHING like his older brother. My point? Our kids didn't come with instruction manuals... yours won't either. So before you start thinking "I'd never do that" or "my kids will never do that," remind yourself that kids are kids and you'll do exactly what we're all doing... the best you can.
I love this!!
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