I guess the good thing about posting here is that nobody really reads it. I don't post my updates to Facebook, I think I only have 10 followers, and I don't seek out new readers, so it's kind of a "safe" place to vent.
That being said... I'm kind of scared.
Tonight I was doing the math. About 3 weeks ago my normal OB said her goal was to get me to 34 weeks... still early, but late enough that we aren't likely to need help breathing aside from maybe supplemental oxygen. No transfers to Madera Children's. At the time, she was worried because my measurements were at 2.9... now we're at a 1.9 When I went yesterday about a minor concern (that, thankfully, was nothing) she reminded me about my Tuesday appt and finished with "make sure you keep it, we need to check for dialating again then." She also reminded me that if I have concerns, I can't go to my "normal" hospital... they don't have a NICU. I don't know why, but it hit me that she brought that up... honestly, until she said something it never occurred to me that our planned delivery hospital can't take him yet... not for another 7 weeks.
Anyway... I did the math and realized... 34 weeks is only 5 weeks away. They're concerned I could be having this little guy in 5 weeks. FIVE. Oh goodness...
Of course, he could easily go OVER due. If we can get my measurements to maintain I could easily end up a week or two past my two date... something that in my last pregnancy would have been stressful but this time around I'll welcome. And really, I can totally see God doing that... worrying us from 26 weeks to 36 weeks when we'll get the "all clear" and then him taking another 5-6 weeks to come.
I don't really feel ready... not the emotional but the literal. Jon and I talked tonight... I know my measurements made him nervous but what made him more nervous is the fact that my doctor is concerned. It's kind of normal for me to be nervous but when the medical professional is concerned it's just different. Anyway.. we talked about getting the desk moved to the bedroom soon after Christmas and then getting the nursery semi-put together. Not so much because he needs it done before he comes home (he won't sleep in his crib for the first few months anyway), but because we don't want that on our plates after he's born. I ordered his crib/dresser/changing table tonight. I feel awful because I will be of absolutely no help at all putting it together... maybe I can keep Nicholas occupied with Mario Kart on the couch...
I already feel guilty that I'm ruining plans. No Zoo Lights for us... mommy's doctor said no walking like that. No CALM... too much walking. No mini golf this week... too much activity. Heck... if it involves mommy doing much other than sitting/laying down... it's been nixed. But I'm so scared of meeting this little guy before it's time... it's just not worth going against what the doctor's said. I'll probably feel silly when he comes late... but it's also scary to go see the Perientologist every 2 weeks and watch the number get lower and lower.
Anyway... I'm looking forward to Christmas. I know I won't be able to really play with Nick and his new toys, but I'm super excited to see family and especially for Christmas morning. We'll read the Christmas story, of course, but then we also have a little box that will get opened first to remind us that the best present ever was God giving us our Savior (or, as Nick calls him, the Saver).
No comments:
Post a Comment